By: Connor Metcalf
Last month, Hollywood released the movie Jack and Jill, and Adam Sandler fans everywhere rioted in the streets, realizing the man who once brought us comedy classics like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore is now wearing a dress on the big screen. “I want to watch Adam Sandler beat up Bob Barker, not wearing an oversized bra,” says Centennial Senior Jay Romans. I agree with Romans, Sandler is past his prime and should have stopped making movies a long time ago. He’s the Brett Favre of comedy movies. Having said that, I have not seen Jack and Jill, and I do not plan on seeing it, because I am an unpaid high school student newspaper writer, so you can’t make me. For some reason, at a certain point in any comedic actor’s career, they presumably think to themselves, “Hey! It was funny when that one guy dressed as a woman in that one movie, why not do it myself?!” The problem with that is Adam Sandler dressed as a woman=Robin Williams dressed as a woman=The Wayans brothers dressed as women=Tyler Perry dressed as a woman. Although Tyler Perry has somehow managed to make millions making the same movie over and over again, all of them including himself dressed as his alter-ego “Madea” Simmons. These movies lack originality and this article will hopefully illustrate to you hypothetical Centinal readers that cross dressing movies need to be put to rest.
Let’s start with all of the clichés that happen in just about every movie featuring a man dressed as a woman. Depending on the plot, if the male actor is just playing a woman in the flick like in Jack and Jill and any movie with Tyler Perry’s name before the title, or if the male actor is going undercover as a woman like in movies such as Big Momma’s House or Mrs. Doubtfire, there tend to be reoccurring and unoriginal bits in the movie that apparently never get old in Hollywood. In the latter type of movie, it almost always features a scene where the man has to perform womanly tasks in order to keep from being exposed as a man. This happens in Big Momma’s House (1,2,and 3), White Chicks, and The Hot Chick (technically The Hot Chick is not a “cross dressing” movie, but features a woman trapped in a man’s body, so I’m going to count it.) These womanly tasks usually include some kind of grooming techniques such as makeup and hair curling or trying on clothes. Obviously, the average man does not spend near as much time on any of these things as the average woman, and these scenes are probably just thrown in there to remind audiences how hard women have it, and how stupid men are or something. But as I stated before, it’s all been done before and these scenes almost always turn into montages dubbed over by the song “Dude Looks Like a Lady” by Aerosmith.
These movies also always have a male character who for some reason finds our drag dressing protagonist attractive and finds themselves in pursuit of love making with this characters. This happens in White Chicks, Juwanna Mann, and Big Momma’s House. These men apparently have zero standards, because they try way too hard to score a date with these women who are clearly not women. What would happen if these guys ever found out that they have been chasing a guy for the last couple days? Probably nothing good can come from that, but Hollywood never explains what happens to those guys. My guess is years and years of counseling.
While the main character is being chased by some perverted lady killer, he finds himself in his own romance with a woman character. The offenders of this reoccurring scenario are the same as the last point I made. Shawn Waynes falls in love with some journalist in White Chicks, Martin Lawrence falls in love with the woman he is supposed to be spying on in Big Momma’s House, and Juwanna Mann falls in love with his WNBA team mate in Juwanna Mann. It also kind of happens in the movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (I say kind of because it involves a man pretending to be homosexual falling in love with a woman). This never fails to be featured in a movie like this and it never fails that there is a controversy which is ;( surprise!) Those women do not have the mutual feelings toward these men because they do not know they are men. But of course in all of these movies they are exposed as the phony-females they are, and the movie goes through about a ten minute period where the woman is mad at the cross dressing man for tricking her but then decides that everything is okay and falls in love with him in the end anyways.
Everything stated can all go back to my original point that these movies are unoriginal. Sure there are plenty of unoriginal story lines in Hollywood, but cross dressing movies, to me are the worst offenders. There are “date movies,” and “disaster movies,” and “dance movies,” that have all been made into parodies, but the last thing that we want to see is for the people who made those movies to make the inevitable next step which is “Cross-Dressing Movie.”