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April 1, 2014

Centennial Student Accepted to Hogwarts!

by Kumar Bhowmik

This article was written with Nick LeBaugh.

Kirkland Butcher is a senior at Centennial. A few weeks ago, he received a very unique letter in the mail. When he opened it, he was shocked to discover that the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry wanted him to attend. This was a bigger shock than most acceptances because he didn’t even apply. Actually, Kirkland hates school and only needs to excel in magic. Hogwarts knows this and wants to take advantage of his potential. The Centinal was lucky enough to catch Kirkland for an interview one day.

The Centinal: What made you want to go to Hogwarts?

Kirkland Butcher: What inspired me was that I love magic and that my magic is kind of weak. I need to up my game.

TC: How exactly did you get into magic?

KB: What happened was that when I was ten years old, my best friend died. He was the best dog ever; his name was Skittles. He made me so happy; it was like I was with the rainbow and I also liked the candy. After the rainbow passed, I began to look online for ways to bring him back.

TC: Is it true you wanted to go to a different wizardry school?

KB: Yeah, I was trying to get into a Russian school named Dorskeh, which means necromancy in a dead language called Aramaic.

TC: Why didn’t you get accepted?

KB: I thought it was because I was Christian and on #teamjesus, but it was because it doesn’t exist.

TC: What is the first thing you will do when you meet Harry Potter?

KB:  Well, Harry Potter doesn’t exist. He is just an actor, but I’m sure I’ll see plenty of great wizards with brown hair and glasses.

TC: What do you plan on doing with your magic in the future?

KB: If this magic is real, I plan to bring my dog Skittles back from the afterlife.

If Kirkland could say one thing to all of humanity, he would say, “Don’t always believe what you see and don’t always doubt what you can’t see.” If you happen to run into Kirkland in the hallway, don’t ever hesitate to ask for a trick. April Fools’! There’s no such thing as Hogwarts, silly.

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